growing up with acne

Inspired by Chantel’s story on a recent Ladylike video, I decided to record my story about how I overcame what some would say as a young girl’s worst mare. The story starts in grade 7, when puberty hit. Along with my friends, we went through a stage of bad fashion choices (graphic tees and ugly sweaters). Just like everybody else, I also had the persistent acne on the side of my temples and on my forehead. It would happen because I decided to eat two bowls of French fries and a couple bags of chips. However, the real problem began in grade 11, when I started having really persistent acne. Although I tried cutting back on dairy products/seafood/fried foods, acne just kept growing and growing. Here are some of my craziest acne-moments that are engrained into my head:

-          As a member of the church drama club, we toured around several churches to give presentations. Before one particular church performance, the make-up artist refused to give me any makeup because it was going to “irritate” my acne. As a young girl, I was frustrated because all I wanted to do was to look beautiful. I wanted to cover my scars. I wanted to see a clean and clear face.

-          At one of my volunteer positions, one of the kids asked me out of the blue why there were so many red dots on my face. I didn’t know how to respond, because I truly didn’t know. From relatives, family friends to people from church started recognizing and asking me why my face was “like that.”

-          I remember during a random night at church, my best friends wanted to have a mini “photo shoot” in front of this backdrop. I didn’t want to take the picture because it happened to be one of those days when I forgot to put on BB cream and foundation. Reluctantly, I posed for a photo and she posted it on Instagram. Although the photo looked really nice, I couldn’t help but notice the red and outstanding dots on my face.

-          During this phase of my life, the concept of taking selfies exploded on the internet. However, I could never help but follow that trend because every time I looked at my face, I saw blemishes, I saw imperfections and it was an embarrassing sight (so why would I ever keep and post it?)

So, what did I try? My aunt suggested that I visit the Chinese herbal doctors. So once a month, I visited a doctor who prescribed herbal medicine to clear the toxins in my body. But that didn’t work. Next, my parents finally advised me to see my family doctor. Walking into the clinic, I needed hope. I needed a solution that will alleviate any self-doubt. I truly hoped for a magic solution, but sadly, that didn’t happen. I know this wasn’t intentionally, but my doctor came in and she told that I had very SERIOUS acne. Officially, this was the first time someone confronted me to notify me that this was a significant issue. She prescribed me with a dose of antibiotics, but warned me that people can become resistant to certain antibiotics over time. I took the antibiotics and it started working! Along with topical gel, I seemed to find a routine to help me overcome this crisis. However, the joy didn’t last for a long time because months later, I tried eating a second dose of the medication and I became resistant to it. I tried another antibiotic and soon enough, the same thing happened. The two forms of antibiotics would only work for one month before my cystic acne would form again. I tried topical gels that would end up giving me dried patches and other didn’t seem to be effective. Yes, I tried all the different remedies that people suggested. I drank cucumber water in the morning / I drank lots of water / I would try my best not to touch my face / I slept early / I never touched a single bag of chips / I put on facials / I exfoliated. I remember coming home from the doctors crying to my two best friends because I was afraid. I was dead scared that I would look like this forever. Scarred and ugly.

Finally, I was referred to a dermatologist. I went into the dermatologist’s office carrying my bag of products. In the past, I used Atomy’s Toner/Acne-specific location/Cleanser. I used face “GEL” because my forehead was oily all the time. On hand, I carried 3-4 types of acne medication. I literally showed her my “deck of cards” asking for any last resorts. She told me about Accutane. For those who are unfamiliar with Accutane, it is also known as isotretinoin. It requires the patient to take pill every day for half a year. By taking away the oils in your skin, the dryness will stop the growth of acne. In the past, patient that have taken the medication and have gotten pregnant have suffered from miscarriages and fetuses with developmental disabilities. Hence, individuals must take birth control as a repercussion. The doctor gave me a legitimate booklet with lists of side effects (which include extreme dryness and depression). Reading the booklet, I got extreme nervous, I remember reading forums and trying to figure out if this information was true. At the end of the appointment, I committed to this 6-month cycle, which included monthly blood tests because they needed to monitor my glucose levels and liver function. To be honest, I suffered from the fear of the unknown. I was scared that my body could not handle the effect of medication…because I was just an ordinary girl.

On the day I boarded the plane to Hong Kong after my first year in university, I took my first “Accutane pill.” I prayed that it would work and that God will heal me from this physical condition. My doctor warned me that during the first couple of months of the treatment, a lot of acne will appear before it becomes steadier…and what she said was no joke. During my three-week trip to Hong Kong, I broke out at my cheekbones. BB cream could not cover huge red spots. The sales representative in Hong Kong malls wanted to stop me and sell products to me. Looking back at my trip pictures, I never posted a SINGLE one on facebook because it was that bad. Overtime, my blood test levels were okay and the dermatologist was able to increase my dosage. By 5 months, acne actually went away. Yes, my wish came true. However, I did experience several side-effects -> I had extremely dry skin/lips/scalp. I also had hair loss (which was apparently uncommon). Instead of eating medication for half a year, I ended up eating pills for 9 months, going for 11 blood test and revisiting the doctors monthly. The tedious and tiring process taught me to really be patient and trust the medical professionals.

During the entire story, I remember having a conversation with my father. He knew I was struggling with my physical self-image and he reminded me that my struggle should remind me the importance of having inner beauty. I’m not saying that physical attraction is not important, but it is equally important to have be beautiful on the inside. By having good character, a strong faith and a loving spirit, people will still be drawn to YOU. Thanks for reading my story.

~cho