so much more

It’s time for my annual Valentine’s Day post. Somehow, I am inspired every year to write a little something, as an encouraged to those who are learning to find love and love themselves. When I think about February 14^th, I can’t help but think about what this special day meant for me years ago. As a Grade 8, Valentine’s Day meant sending candygrams/roses, gushing about the OTPs at our school and wishing to be someone valentine. Somehow, I thought that “being asked to slow dance” meant you were living in a beautiful, ideal utopia. I can’t help but laugh at my naivety and stupidity because love is so much more than “being asked out.” It is so much more than saying yes and updating your facebook relationship status. Over the course of this past year, I have felt heartbroken so many times…not because I have been in a romantic relationship, but because I have sympathized with my friends who chose to leave their boyfriends. The feeling of loneliness and hollowness somehow transcends through their words into my heart. Here are the things they have taught me about love/relationship:

1)      Relationships require perseverance. When my best friend Janine dropped to her knees in front of the library and watched her boyfriend leave, it was because he did not want to persist. He was not invested enough to offer grace, communicate honestly and try again. All relationships should start with the disclaimer that nobody is perfect. Romance is ultimately about two individuals working on becoming puzzle pieces that fit together. You must work on bettering yourself, making sacrifice, being candid and willing to try and try again. Yes, relationship requires work, but it is built on a deep, beautiful love that embraces flaws and recognizes the beauty of the journey.

2)      Relationships must start with mutual respect. When my elementary school babe shared her story, I was enraged that her boyfriend wanted her for the wrong purpose. If your significant other is looking for physical affection and treating you like a prized trophy, this is a major red flag. If he doesn’t love you enough to acknowledge your inward beauty and character, it is time for honest conversation and maybe a pair of scissors. All girls deserve someone that will treat her better…she doesn’t need to be lavished with Louis Vuitton and Gucci goods…but she deserves to be treated with decency. No girl should ever be verbally abused and made to feel worthless.

3)      Sometimes, love means letting go. When a close childhood friend told me she decided to end her relationship, I naturally asked why…she pointed out that their relationship became a distraction from their individual relationship with God. I remember being in awe of her wise and firm decision because it is so easy to be content and satisfied with her current relationship. The physical intimacy, security and status seems so compelling, yet she gives it up to re-focus back to Jesus. She let go because she ultimately wanted him to draw closer to God.

4)      In a Christian relationship, it means that both individuals are committing a lifetime of “Yes!” to Jesus. On the last day of Urbana, the wife of the keynote speaker walked onto the stage to give her mini sermon. I think it took me a solid minute to realize that the two of them shared the same last name! The only word that popped up in my head was the word “POWER COUPLE.” As she poured her heart out, I realized the most captivating aspect of this relationship is their solid faith in living a life together, for Jesus. The couple’s height difference and compatibility did not matter…but it was their commitment to go where the Spirit leads and propel by the Great Commission. Again and again, this couple decided to say yes to Jesus despite their circumstances and shortcomings. By listening to their story, it gave me perspective on what I should be longing for…a boyfriend/fiancé/husband that will hopefully journey with me as we choose to say yes to serving Jesus and laying down our lives for God.

5)      Authentic Christian relationship is about two individuals pursuing the life of holiness. I just finished teaching Grade 7-8s about this concept of holiness. As I challenged them to see how the world has misinterpreted relationships and requirements for boyfriends/girlfriends, it has been a reminder to re-evaluate my mindset too.

Aren’t relationships so much more complicated than a candygram or a “YES” to a promposal?

Still learning,

C. Ho