real faces and happy endings: it's okay to not be okay review

       As an Asian-Canadian, I sincerely thank the producers, actors and writers of "It's Okay Not to Be Okay" for creating a drama that sheds light on mental illnesses and childhood trauma. While illustrating a beautiful love story, they have opened the door for viewers to discuss and reflect on our mental health and emotional burdens. By breaking the stigma around mental health issues, "It's Okay Not to Be Okay" is a healing television series that explores the life of an eccentric fairytale author (Moon-young) and psychiatric hospital nurse (Gang-tae). As we learn about their childhood hardships, viewers embark on a journey where both characters learn to unleash their shackles and live for themselves. We also meet Sang-tae, Gang-tae's autistic brother who struggles with being independent and post-traumatic stress. At the psychiatric hospital, viewers are also introduced to a group of patients who are battling their own demons- from alcoholism, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder to dissociative identity disorder. Instead of illustrating conventional tropes, the drama invests time to show the emotional hardships and thinking processes that lie within each mental health patient. Through remarkable animations, intricate storytelling and significant symbols, the drama ushers us to develop a heart of empathy and encourages us to heal from our personal, emotional wounds. Words of wisdom and healing are sprinkled throughout the series... shedding rays of positivity and challenging our perspectives.

Here are some of my favourite things about the drama.

1) the not-so-ideal main characters: 

    Although Moon-Young shows up wearing exquisite outfits and Gang-tae has great physical features and a caring personality, viewers quickly learn that the protagonists are not-so-ideal. Moon-young wears flamboyant outfits as a piece of armour to prevent people from seeing her deep sense of loneliness. She speaks shamelessly and acts impulsively because she was not raised in a healthy family environment. Just like Rapunzel in a castle, she was trapped by her mother's twisted frame of mind, which caused her to become isolated and ill-mannered. In some ways, I believe she is a brilliant storyteller because her imaginative world was the only place where she experienced life and freedom. It was the only place where she could find her voice. 

    On the other hand, Gang-tae's quiet personality derives from his distorted belief that he should bottle up his feelings and thoughts. As his autistic brother's primary caregiver, he believes he should never express his frustration or pursue his own dreams. Living vicariously through his brother, Gang-tae also believes that he was the inferior and neglected child. As a result, the beginning of the drama shows Gang-tae as a robot figure, who has completely lost his sense of self. Instead of creating heroes, the writers produced realistic and flawed characters who we can relate to, as many of us live with defense mechanisms and deep feelings of resentment. Just like Gangtae, many individuals also live with responsibilities that often stop us from living out our lives and dreams. This drama reminds us that it is okay to be imperfect (like the protagonists). As we watch the protagonists depending on each other and overcoming their struggles, viewers are encouraged not to let others and traumatic events take away our ability to pursue happiness.

2) the unconventional love triangle: In many Asian dramas, we are used to seeing two men vying for
the heart of a woman or a woman trying to win the affection of a stone-hearted man. "It's Okay to Not Be Okay" breaks the mold as the barrier between Moon-Young and Gang-tae is his autistic brother. From Gang-tae's perspective, he was raised believing that Sang-tae deserves his undivided attention and care. Hence, Gang-tae shuts the door to romantic interests, even when Moon-Young (his childhood lover) reappears in his life. Up until episode 8, viewers see him repeatedly denying his feelings and concealing his deep love/care for Moon-Young. When Gang-tae chooses to see himself outside of his role as Sang-tae's guardian and allows himself to be loved, he is able to verbalize his thoughts, unleash his desires and experience true happiness. 

  In order to be with Gang-tae, Moon-Young learns that she must also win Sangtae's heart. In contrast to her selfish and insensitive personality, Moon-Young learns to patiently pursue Sang-tae, as she asks him to be her oppa. The fairytale writer also accepts that Sang-tae needs Gang-tae as much as she does. While couples desire to live as partners, Moon-Young willingly inserts herself as an member of the Moon family. This is beautifully illustrated in a raining scene as the trio leaves the jjampong restaurant, While Gang-tae holds the umbrella for his brother, Moon-Young quickly follows behind and uses her umbrella to cover herself and Gang-tae. The powerful visual representation shows Moon-Young becoming Gang-tae's guardian angel, who happily supports him as he takes care of his brother. By the end of the series, we see that Moon-young loves Sang-tae because she knows how much he means to Gang-tae. Although she wanted to end her writing career, she decides to publish "Finding the Real Face" to fulfill Sang-tae's wish to become an illustrator. In my eyes, Sang-tae's role within MY/GT's relationships is unique in the Asian drama world.

 

3) intertexual references: Because Moon-Young is a fairytale writer, the screenwriters added many meaningful references to fairytales and childhood stories. From The Ugly Duckling to Beauty and the Beast, viewers are constantly challenged to read classic stories in a different light. The references do not only serve to encourage characters in the drama, but it is also a foreshadowing tool and microscope into characters' state of mind. In episode 10, the story of The Boy Who Cries Wolf is implicitly introduced to draw parallels between the fable's protagonist and Moon-Young. The writers highlight that the boy's action was rooted in his deep sense of loneliness, a feeling that is also experienced by Moon-Young. Furthermore, viewers are also introduced to Moon-Young's books! Throughout the drama, protagonists and minor characters receive healing and significant insights from The Cheerful Dog, The Boy Who Fed On Nightmares and Zombie Kid. For Gang-tae, these books offered an entrance to Moon-Young's heart and emotional trauma. Of course, the emotional healing journey of Gang-tae, Moon-young and Sang-tae is made into a children's book in the finale. Finding the Real Face is physical manifestation of their emotional growth... as the trio once lived as a emotionless princess, a clown boy and a box man. I think this drama brings up the question: What fictional stories describe our past experiences? Do we (adults) underestimate the powerful messages that can be conveyed in children's books?

4) words of wisdom/healing: As I watched this drama, I would scroll through twitter and reddit to read people's reactions. I found many viewers reflecting and sharing significant healing quotes from this drama. The writers seem to be able to spread a dose of positivity...knowing some members of the global audience are struggling with parental conflict, abuse, unhappiness, fear and guilt. I have a personal record of the major healing quotes because many of them were super uplifting. Here are some of my favourites: 

• "The body can't lie. So it cries when it's hurting. But the heart is a liar, so it stay silent even when
  
  it is hurting." -Sang-tae (ep 7)
• "Don't let the past trap you. If you let it, you may not be able to find the door. Don't end up like me. So don't forget your past. Remember it all and overcome it. If you don't overcome it, you'll always be a kid whose soul never grows." -Kan (ep 12)
• "[As a child], the most horrible thing you can do to a parent is to give up on being happy. If you want to make your mother happy, do your best to live a happy life from now on" -Joo-Ri's Eomma (ep 13)
• "It's always those who are weak that act tough...You weaklings should join forces and stick together. Then, you guys will be invincible. -Jae-Su (ep 14)

    If you are a IONTOB fan, you will see that many of these quotes come from the supporting cast, which is a powerfully symbolic. It emphasizes the power of a good community (friends, coworkers, family friends). A solid community is a group of people who propels you to face your fears and become better versions of yourself. The best coworkers and friends know when to confront you and challenge your ideologies. 

5) symbol, symbols, symbols: Embedded in this drama, there are many visual and written symbols that show signs of purposeful and thoughtful storytelling. Here are some of my favourites:

• lighthouse- At the end of episode 4, Gang-tae finds Moon-young wandering in the rain after she is violently attacked by her father. As Gang-tae walks up to comfort Moon-young, viewers see a lighthouse in the background. Although this scene had no dialogue, the lighthouse speaks loudly, as it illustrates Gang-tae's role in the fairytale author's life. Although Moon-young's life is gloomy and dark, Gang-tae is a light that offers comfort and hope. He will guide her out of her mother's shadow and painful memories and bring her to live a life filled with emotions and love.
• moon-young's hair- Although viewers love Moon-young's luscious locks, viewers quickly learn that it symbolizes her submission to her mother's will. By cutting it off in episode 7, she makes the commitment to live for herself. Accompanied by changes in her wardrobe, Moon-Young's new self is able to embrace freedom, lower her guard and accept Gang-tae's love.
• 
  family portrait- Throughout the drama, writers remind us that family can extend beyond our biological family. We see that Joo-Ri's eomma is a mother to many of the characters...providing comfort and delivering words of truth. The family portrait is a visual (and tear-jerking) representation of that concept. Moon-Young, Sang-tae and Gang-tae are orphans in this society; they are lonely, hurt, broken and misunderstood. However, they choose to lean on each other and forge their own family. Together, they seek to search for happiness and independence.
• camping car- Just like the symbol of the butterfly, the meaning of the camping car changes throughout the series. In the beginning, the vehicle was supposed to sustain the Moon brothers' cycle of running away. It was going to keep them in their "bubble". However, as Gang-tae learned to come out of his brother's shadow and Sang-tae learned to overcome his fear, the RV became a channel that allowed them to re-experience the world as they did not get the chance to do so as kids.

6) the fashion: As an international viewer, I find that things are often lost in translation. I may not understand the idioms and word choice in this drama, but I developed a deep understanding of the main characters because of the production team's fantastic outfit choices. In the beginning of the drama, Moon-young's dresses and Gang-tae's plaid shirts spoke volumes, as it illustrated their personalities and upbringing. Just like many viewers, I was drawn to see how these two "mismatched" individuals would become lovers. Every IONTBO fan should read this translated interview done with the costume designer. The evolution of the costumes also show the individuals' growth...Moon-young's over-the-top outfits showed her need  to wear an armour of protection. As the drama continues and she begins opening her heart, we see that she wears lighter nail polish, ruffled and light-coloured dresses and more casual outfits. When Gang-tae leaves his mental baggage behind, he begins to wear white t-shirts. Instead of wearing grey and blue shirts, he is willing to experiment with fashion, wearing suits and lighter jeans.

There are so many aspects of this drama that deserves praise. From the amazing Moon-Moon chemistry to fitting soundtracks, "It's Okay to Not Be Okay" is a MASTERPIECE that challenged my view of others. It reminded me that people's behaviours stem from good, bad and sometimes traumatic childhood experiences. We live in a world where some adults (like Moon-Young and Gang-tae) haven't been given a chance to grow up because of deep hardships and trauma. 

Through this drama, I hope everyone can embark on their own journey to find their real face and happy ending,

~cho