honest

     When I read my blog posts from the past, I often picture a strong, young girl who is overcoming obstacles and loving herself along the way. She is a blessed warrior who loves the church and loves the people around her. But today I have a confession. Yes, I am that strong young girl but there are also moments (in the past and in fact...right now) when I feel unloved, unworthy and simply not good enough. Although I know that God loves me to the point He sent His precious Son to die on the cross for my sins, there are still moments when I do not feel satisfied with just that kind of love. What I mean is...It is often frustrating being alone without a boyfriend- someone who loves me for the person I am becoming. As I walk in malls and on the streets, it sometimes feels lonely watching couples pass by. I guess in my fantastical world... I wish there was someone who would wrap their arms around me during a cold winter day, wait with me at a bus stop, listen to my silly thoughts, text me good morning and remind me that I am beautiful.

     Although I am often confident in who I am, there are also days when I feel like I don't deserve the love of others. I am a girl with lots of not-so-attractive physical features (gummy teeth, uneven eyes, thin hair just to name a few). I am overly serious, not adventurous, not classy, not cute, awfully organized and can't shut up. I do not play video games, work out, play sports, have an outstanding social media account or dress well. What makes me a "attractive" significant other to anyone? 

     Over the past couple of years, there have been lots of social media posts, songs and albums that have been promoting the idea of loving yourself. Yes, logically speaking, I know what that looks like. But there are days like today...when I do not know how. In the midst of this frustration and sadness, I want to see myself as how God sees me. I want to see and believe that I am a beloved child of God, His beautiful creation, His workmanship. I want to see myself as how my future boyfriend/husband will see me (hopefully beautiful, precious, noble). 

This is a lot of honest thoughts for one day. I think I will stop there.

-cho

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

failure

failure. The way I feel about myself today...I did a horrible job and my head is filled with regret. I want to go back and do it all over again but that's simply impossible. Bible study yesterday was a big mess! I felt like I was speaking about the bible but not being productive about it. My group deserved a better bible study leader and a better bible study. I apologize to my group that they had to sit through that. I apologize to my pre-study leaders for butchering their prestudy like that...but most of all, I owe an apology to God. I'm sorry that bible study turned out like that. It's been hard to recover from this regret but I guess... As God continues to mold me into a better leader and prune me to bear better and stronger fruit...I will listen and dedicate my life to hear what He has instored for me! ~c.h.
Read more

slice of life: hospital playlist review

Image
        As a long-time asian drama viewer, my friends, family members and I always critique television shows for depicting unrealistic lifestyles and showcasing illogical love stories. Hospital Playlist is a clear exception, as it illustrates the life of five long-time friends who meet in medical school. They eventually wind up working as surgeons in Yulje Hospital. As they deal with the emotional roller coaster that comes with being a doctor, Professor Song-hwa, Ik-Joon, Jun-wan, Seok-Hyung and Jeong-Won also tackle normal life as a 40 year old. Just like ordinary humans, we often forget that doctors are also succumb to sickness, familial problems and career changes. The "slice of life" drama does not shy away from illustrating the two-fold life of a doctor- both as society's superheroes and ordinary individuals. Amidst their fast-paced work environment, viewers get a peek into doctors' lives, as they work tirelessly to maintain a sense of humanity in a highly stress
Read more

real faces and happy endings: it's okay to not be okay review

Image
       As an Asian-Canadian, I sincerely thank the producers, actors and writers of "It's Okay Not to Be Okay" for creating a drama that sheds light on mental illnesses and childhood trauma. While illustrating a beautiful love story, they have opened the door for viewers to discuss and reflect on our mental health and emotional burdens. By breaking the stigma around mental health issues, "It's Okay Not to Be Okay" is a healing television series that explores the life of an eccentric fairytale author (Moon-young) and psychiatric hospital nurse (Gang-tae). As we learn about their childhood hardships, viewers embark on a journey where both characters learn to unleash their shackles and live for themselves. We also meet Sang-tae, Gang-tae's autistic brother who struggles with being independent and post-traumatic stress. At the psychiatric hospital, viewers are also introduced to a group of patients who are battling their own demons- from alcoholism, depressi
Read more