lesson learned

During my mentorship wrap up session today, my mentee challenged me to celebrate my birthday by listing out 25 valuable lessons I have learned...so here they are:

1. Inner beauty is so much more important than outer beauty. No bronzer, concealer and liquid foundation can cover up someone with poor character. Invest in improving your character-ask yourself how you can be a more loving, caring, humble and grateful individual.
2. Don't be afraid of digging deeper and asking tough questions. I spent many years building friendships that were very much "surface level;" we never talked about the ways we were struggling and how we could support each other spiritually and mentally. Years went by and many of those friendships were lost and fizzled out. I wish I spent more time investing in some of these people's lives.
3. Siblings are a precious gift from God. I am so thankful God gave me C and S. C's passion for the Word and musical worship inspires me to grow. S is always there to support or correct my decisions when I am my wishy-washy self. Our creative restaurant (Jamina), bed-billard table, medical clinic and TVB trivia contests are a testament to our fun-filled and exciting childhood. I am so blessed to have siblings who love to live life and serve others!!
4. Social media (instagram/facebook) only captures a fraction of somebody's life. There are imperfections, hidden struggles and stories that we may never hear about. A picture, highlight reel and story does not necessarily capture one's character, so don't stress comparing yourself to them.
5. Friendship IS a two-way street. Unfortunately, some childhood friendships will not last forever and it is not always your fault. As it takes two to tango, both you and your friend need to invest in maintaining the relationship and being a part of each other's lives. 
6. Friends aren't always going to be on our side. The most valuable ones will challenge you to think from different perspectives, lean into discomfort and love when it is difficult.
7. Think twice before you speak. A sentence can be delivered in 15 seconds, but its impact can last a lifetime. I still vividly remember when J questioned "why do you wear the same clothes everyday," and G said "you have so much acne on your forehead." A quick comment can make someone hypersensitive to ways they are lacking. At the same time, take time to use 15 seconds to praise someone for their strengths and contributions. The sentence can give assurance to the people who are struggling to find their place in an organization and workplace.
8. The best mentors are those who are honest with their mentees. In the past, I thought counsellors had to appear perfect in all areas of life. Our "job" was to offer insight wisdom and model the perfect Christian walk. After serving years in Youth Ministry, I learned to be honest with the youth. Yes- I struggle with sin / I sometimes find it hard to approach God's throne / I struggle with unanswered prayers too. My teenage years were far from perfect and it is okay that they struggle too. 
9. Know that you are living in God's plan A. There have been many times in my life where I am walking in paths that do not align with "my vision." However, it always works out for the better and I truly believe that it is because God is paving a journey that offers the experiences that I need to grow in Him.
10. Don't envy, but celebrate. When good things are happen to those around you, you are given two choices: you can either celebrate other's successes or you can covet what they have. While living in bitterness hurts your soul, celebrating is always the better option and is what God would want you to do.
11. There are so many hidden truths from children worship songs. Live differently, Live to tell His story, You can count on God, Jesus came to show us how far love goes. Don't underestimate the power of these lyrics. 
12. Quality fellowship is rooted in relationship building, not program planning. In many years time, your attendees won't remember the amazing discussion you led, but they will remember the time you talked to them about their worries and spent time getting to know and pray for them.
13. Churches are imperfect so don't bother trying to find a perfect one. These 25 years have been filled with great church memories but some painful ones as well. Because churches are filled with flawed, sinful human beings, there will be times when selfish agendas and egos cause conflicts and miscommunication. People will take sides and gossip will ensue. Rather than broil in bitterness and hate, it is better to show grace and pray for forgiveness.
14. There is nothing wrong with being single. I have elaborated on this idea in other blog posts before...but singleness is time of our lives when you can enrich yourself with meaningful experiences, valuable friendships and skills. This life stage offers a special type of freedom that does not come when you are dating exclusively or married to someone.
15. Spend time with older loved ones. As young adults, we often pack our schedules with dates, hangouts and jobs, neglecting our grandparents for more "exciting/meaningful" activities. I wish I got to spend more time talking to my grandma telling her about my life and how much she means to me. I miss my prayer warrior so much.
16. Practicing piano was living hell, but it is worth it. I still recall the tension between my siblings and my parents when it came to practicing piano. While my parents spent hundreds of dollars paying for theory classes and piano tuition, we would go to classes unprepared and dread Tuesdays. It was an absolutely horrendous experience, BUT because of this, my siblings and I learned to play an array of instruments (guitar, synth, bass...) and participate in life-changing serving experiences.
17. Worship is a lifestyle. As a child, I believed that worship was singing as loud as I can. Although singing praises is important, worship is about dedicating every part of your life to honouring God. Your conversations, job and service is a response to what God has done for you. 
18. There is nothing wrong with crying and feeling stressed. Most of the time you just need to unload your emotions. Stress shows that this one person/thing/ministry is important in your life. Embrace the day when life is a roller coaster because they are growing pains.
19. Channel your love towards gifts and written letters. It can mean a lot to others.
20. Before you buy things on a whim, consider how practical it is and whether it will stand the test of time. I have spent way too much money on cute accessories, acne products and fast fashion items...and it is was 120% not worth it.
21. Find ways to hear and understand the stories of others. Our lives are so minute and privileged. I would say we are often stuck in a snow globe where we worry about our next social event, food adventure and concert...we have really little knowledge that there is serious persecution, war, injustice and suffering in our world today. Through literature, service projects and media, we can hear people's testimonies, reach out to those who are struggling. We can't live our lives focused on our own happiness.
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24. Being introspective is so important. Find time in your life to quiet down and reflect on your thoughts/actions/tendencies. These moments are VITAL because it will reveal the imperfection and negative habits that you have build over the years. Improvement begins with acknowledge your weaknesses and peers/family won't always be there to guide you through this process. At some point, you got to go through this process on your own.
25. The best is... yet to come. Someone can flag me for plagiarism but this statement is so true. As someone who loves reminiscing the past, I have come to realize that the past is something that is permanent and fixed. The past comes with great stories, but the future holds great possibilities-possibilities for growth and second chances. Spiritually speaking, it is a time when there will be no competition, no pain and only worship. 

~cho