why here

It is five weeks until the end of my first year at York University! These next few weeks will be stressful, tough and stacked with endless agenda items….but I hope that during my down time, I will be able to take some time to reflect about the unique things that have happened this past school year. As many of my close friends and family know, I didn’t make it into Queen’s University, my forever favourite post-secondary institution. After nights of crying, countless conversations with friends and yearning for a possibly to go to Kingston, I settled with going to York University, to pursue my Bachelor of Arts degree. Though I was at peace with God’s decision, every now and then, certain things triggered me into questioning God. I would ask Him, “why here?” To be honest, it took a very long time to 100% (fully) grasp the reasons why He wanted me to stay in Toronto.

In the summer, my sister encouraged a sister-in-Christ to write down question you had for God, and see how He would come to answer it. ‘Why here?’ was my question for God, and through many events/moments/people in my life, I have been able to answer this tough question. Here are some answers that I have unexpectedly gather…Though some of you may see my reasons as unreasonable and silly, these reasons have given me greater confidence that God is sovereign and that His plans for me are always THE BEST!

1)      My emotions- To be honest, I have a few unpublished blog posts sitting in the draft pile that I am probably never going to exposed to anyone. This is because in September, I was overwhelmed with anxiety, lack of confidence and fear as I began this new school journey. It was simply a personal accomplishment for me not to cry every day because I was scared about uncertainties that I experienced at York. If I were out town, without the support of my church and family members, I am sure that I would have been a complete shipwreck, stomach aches, homesick, you name it….To be honest, I still don’t think I am ready to embrace a completely independent lifestyle yet!

2)      My parents- Through these past few months, God has opened my eyes to the blessings I have always taken for granted…specifically my parents. Through going to York, not only was I able to understand their experiences as immigrant university students, but it allowed me to realize the dependence I had on them. Their unconditional love expressed by driving me to the bus stop, texting me during school hours and washing my clothes... If I were out town, I would not have had the same eye opening experience. The physical act of embracing me after a bad day or a poor mark could never had transmitted some phone application or phone call. God knew I needed them to be physically present for me during this time of transition.

3)      My siblings- As my baby brother goes through puberty, I never thought that staying in town would allow me to watch him grow into a young man. Even though he is still growing in height, the opportunities to see him grow spiritually has also been an even more incredible blessing. Read my previous blog if you want to read about how much I love my sibs ;)

4)      EM- As many of my readers may know, I love my church fellowship, I pray for the young ministries in both churches and they are so dear to my heart. After a rough year of ‘blank space’ in one of my youth groups, the church quickly hired a new pastor for our English Ministry. Staying in town gave me an opportunity to BE a part of a new and renovated youth ministry. This gave me a chance to work with people that I admired, but also witness that God is a provider. The growth in leadership and numbers in EM this school year brings me to tears of shock, hope and joy.

5)      Stress- First year university stress doesn’t necessarily come from the studying, but also the miscellaneous stuff that seems to overwhelm your schedule. If I were living out of town, I honestly don’t think I could have handled cooking, cleaning and completing chores. It’s amazing that if I were to put my dirty leggings in the wash tonight, my mom would have them washed, dried and folded in several days. By placing me in a stress-less environment, I can allowed to maintain my work-life-play-serve balance. That way, I can focus on serving and doing my best in school in all aspects of my life.

6)      Grade 12s- The 1998s and 1997s are two grades at my church that are known to be inseparable. Our love and care for one another transcends through cities, but I feel extremely privileged to be able to continue journeying with them in town as they complete their final year in high school. Watching them apply, get accepted and choose universities, this opportunity gave me a chance to encourage them with my experience, but also reflect on how God has showed Himself to me through the process. As they finish their last semester of high school, I am once again reminded that time is precious and that I should make the most of my time because in several months, we will no longer be seeing each other every week!

7)     $$- After a debate with a third year Queen’s student about how in-town is not necessarily a bad choice, I have come to terms that my decision was most practical. Although my parents promised to support me financially in any way possible, but with two other siblings, staying in town ensure financial stability and that my siblings get the same opportunities I have. As we aspire together, my decision ensured that they can go wherever and find their dream career.

8)      Reputation- One thing I struggled with as a senior high school student, coming from one of the best school in Markham was pride. I couldn’t come to admit that I AM A REJECT from Queen’s University. As someone who has won multiple awards, maintained some ‘astounding’ average, everything seemed to align with the stars that I would be able to get into the program of my dreams…BUT SOMEHOW THAT JUST DIDN’T HAPPEN! God needed me to learn to be humble, and to see that He has a mission field for me. Even though this program and university is not some prestigious school, I must use what I have to serve Him. I will not say that I was never embarrassed to tell people where I study, but truthful, it’s all a work in progress.

I’ve kept these thoughts and ideas in my mind for a very long time now…so I hope you enjoyed the read.

Love love love,

~cho

p.s. Why here? I also believe deep down in my heart that my better half is not studying in Kingston, but perhaps in Toronto (that’s a bold statement to make, but it’s my personal blogspot, right?)