comfortable in your own skin

                I think as a Canadian girl, I feel perfectly normal in admitting the great influence of media in my life. I often stare at Glamour and Vogue Magazine, questioning why I do not look like the supermodels that are plastered over the pages. They all have flawless makeup, body types and skin. For the longest time, I felt like a flawed being who fell short from what people considered as beautiful. Ever since my grade 11 days, I have been struggling with oily and acne skin issues. At first, my family and I thought it was just a short phase of red bumps that I would quickly outgrow. However, after months of adjusting my diet and trying new skin products, nothing seemed to work. Seeing the doctor was the next option and I began taking medication. This first around, I lost self-esteem and confidence…I covered myself in foundation and avoided eye contact during conversations. I feared that people would not like talking to me because they would have to face such a disgusting beast. Thankfully, over months of antibiotics, I recovered to having mild acne, which is normal for a regular teenager.

                Two years later, I began facing the same issues and mass media has only grown to become a greater influence in my life. Watching reality television shows and observing the “make-up free trend”, I realized that whenever I go out the door without my makeup, I was imperfect and unattractive. Several months ago, I even avoided looking at myself through the mirror for days because I did not want to judge the severity of disgust through my very own eyes. There are old and new scars on my face that remind me of the condition I am still enduring today. I am now starting a new medication now for severe acne and there is still a lot of side effects that are “up in the air”.

                People who read this blog may think I am a girl who is complaining about their imperfect and desire pity, but I want to use my story as a truthful reminder. First, I want to tell other girls that even though I am a Christian, it does not mean that I do not go through periods of struggle. In fact, I struggle with not having a romantic life like my other friends. For a long time, I felt that I did not have a boyfriend because I looked like the way I did. (in my diaries, I once wrote “who would like a girl with some much acne?”) My encouragement for everyone is that I am different because I trust that within this physical imperfection, God is molding me towards spiritual perfection. My faith is rooted in the belief that whether or not Cynthia has acne, the Creator of this universe has a beautiful plan for this young woman. He has not left her in the world to struggle alone, but to be a light for those who are also struggling.

Secondly, I also want to tell this story to show that just because I prayed for no acne as a Christian did not mean God healed me immediately. I do need to take medication and see the doctor! I have been to a few physicians and dermatologists, who have shook their heads after looking at my physical self. However, I also have confidence that my process of healing will also become my testimony, a story to tell others about how I have overcome the desires of this physical/materialistic world.

May I encourage all my readers out there with a verse from Proverbs 31, a famous passage about the perfect Christian woman. "She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue." Proverbs 31:25-26.

I hope that girls will all come to learn from my mistakes, love themselves and be comfortable in their own skin.
~cho