momma

Several months ago, I was a facilitator for a mother-daughter Christian conference. Prior to the two-day conference, moms were asked to write a letter to their daughter. It seemed like the cutest idea and I begged my mom to write one for me. As a "words of affirmation"-kinda girl, I have written countless letters to my close friends, loved ones and younger mentees...but I sometimes long for words of encouragement as well. On the day of the conference, my mom sent me a picture of a short-but-sweet note. In the corner of a church classroom, I read it with tears welling up in my eyes. Although my mom's letter oozed with love, it was nothing in comparison to the unconditional love she has given me, C and S these past couple of months. 

What happened these last couple of months? Aren't we in our young adult years? Shouldn't we be living "independently" by now? I will spare you from the details, but these past couple of months has been filled with some highs and but many more lows. Throughout it all, my mom has been our rock. She has been there for each of us as we journeyed through these unexpectedly difficult months. As we struggled with navigating family dynamics, problems at work, troubles with our relationships and overwhelming stress, our mom rode and still rides each wave WITH us. She celebrated our joys as if it were her own. Her heart grew heavy when she knew we were struggling mentally and emotionally. She always prayed for us if she knew we had important days at work/school. She knew to step in and be the peacemaker when relationships were growing sour. She offered advice when she knew we were ready to listen and be challenged. 

As a teenager, I always wondered if my mom had a favourite. Is my brother the favourite...because of his silly and charismatic personality, ability to master musical instruments and shine on stage? Or is it my sister...because of her ability to socialize with others, give amazing gifts and offer sweet words? Or is it me...because of my ability to keep things organized and heart to serve? This year has proven that she indeed has no favourite. I have found the answer through tough conversations- seeing her stressed and anxious expression as she supported us in our own battles. I could tell that her heart broke the same when she heard that we were hurting. Her joyous smile looked the same when she knew that we unlocked a personal and professional achievement. Somehow, she has the capacity to unconditionally love and support all three of us at the same time so that we feel empowered to pursue our dreams, live fearlessly and make wise decisions.

My mom has always lived a sacrificial life where C, S and I come first. She has set the standard astronomically high for what it means to be a good mother. Although it feels like I am light years away from bearing my own children, I pray to be a fraction of what my mom has been to me and my siblings. Mom, a bouquet of flowers and a fancy meal does not seem to make up for what she does...so I think the only thing I can do is pay it forward- honour you and promise to love my future children unconditionally.

~cho